Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
