How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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