In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
