someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
