he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
