Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
