Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
