Got a toothbrush?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
