he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
