I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
