so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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