what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hope mine doesn't look like that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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