i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
im on a boat
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