The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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