You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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