It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
