I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
