I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
