Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
