i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
