Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
