i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
