i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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