i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
