you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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