I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
