So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
