dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
