I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
