Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
