i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
