weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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