these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
