On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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