cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
