Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
