He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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