If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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