Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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