using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
