There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
