Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
