Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
