It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
