I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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