what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
