so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
