She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
