girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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