the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need water and some morals
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
