I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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