There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
