Kiss
Puke
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
