you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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