How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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