So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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