I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
