You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
