I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
