Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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