i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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