good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
