He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
