i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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