i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
