Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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