just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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