my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
