So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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