Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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