I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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