We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You did what with his pubic hair?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
