a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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