she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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