Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
