I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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