He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
