Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
