I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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