watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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