I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
