I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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